plug it in
I'm having a hard time plugging in. Anything that requires thought and effot beyond routine and set appointments I seem to be avoiding. My Grandpa had a stroke. I went up to the cities to see him that day potentially for the last time, and I realized how far I was from my family and the life I've known. It's so weird to be 27 and starting a new life, away from family, away from friends, away from the places that I know and called home. It's not suprising that the adjustment is a long one. I'm doing little to help myself to love this place. I do enjoy it, and I do enjoy my jobs, but they're a bit too much. I don't take the needed time to find and do things for just me. I don't feel I have the money to do that either. With a wedding coming up savings are at the fore-front of every expenditure.

Grandpa is doing well. His recovery is going better than the neurologist expected. Who knows what we can hope for. He's been so tender and jovial. It's a part of Grandpa, a grandpa, that I haven't seen much and it's been fun to experience it, even though it brings out the fears of losing him even more. He's been a sensible balancer in the tumult of family rivalry that has been going on for the past two years. It was weird to see every one that I hadn't talked with in so long. I didn't realize how much I missed them, how much I've felt their loss. I still don't know if they'll be at my wedding, if it will be ok for me to invite them. I want every one present to be comfortable and amiable towards one another, so if inviting someone could cause strife then I don't want that. Not when I'm getting married. They are so much fun to be around though - when they're friendly. What else do I say? I have more things to do. Maybe I can plug in now.