e (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} e) wrote,@ 2008-01-19 17:13:00 |
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Husband frustrations brought on by motherhood
I know this is the wrong place to go, but maybe this will help me to take the actions I need to take in order to straighten things out. I'm upset with my husband right now, and it's not really his fault. It's just that I didn't have that much of a life before our baby came and I'm set to have even less now, but he had a relatively good set-up beforehand and is keeping it all going. The thing is I'm keeping it going for him too. I'm giving him that space. I'm willing to care alone for our son while he goes off and has fun for days. He's planning two trips already, and it doesn't seem fair. Really, what upsets me, is why isn't he planning trips for US? Why doesn't he want to take his family out for fun? Why doesn't he care to camp with me? I've spent a hell of a lot more time sleeping in the wilderness than he has, but it doesn't seem to be something he cares to do with me. And maybe I'm making this up or making it more than it is. Of course he wants to continue his traditions with his friends - things he's been doing since college. Who would want to give that up? It's just that I have to. Not even that I have to, but that I already have.
I thought of rejoining my tradition of camping over memorial weekend with my friend and bringing our babies, but I wouldn't be ok with two adults and two babies ON THE WATER and what we do is on the water - that's the part that connects us with our souls. But if something were to happen you need someone to watch the baby/babies while someone else helps whoever is in trouble. It's just not safe enough, not while the kids are so young. So we would need one of our husbands unless we could convince a friend without babies to go camping with babies. I'm afraid I don't know too many people who would be interested in that.
I'm mad at him for planning this second trip. Fine the first. I'm already jealous and frustrated about the first. I said he could go for a weekend and he turned it into 4 days. He doesn't get what caring for a child is.
And I have to go back to work. Maybe I could start a life with my baby and other new moms, but going back to work won't allow that. It won't leave me any room. This upsets me and makes me feel alone. It makes me feel I need my baby. That my baby is my happiness right now. And while he is in an immense way I shouldn't need him because he is his own self and needs to be his own self without me. And of course he won't be to that stage for awhile yet I should always be his springboard, not tar-paper.
I don't feel understood by him. It feels so much that it's just my baby and me doing what we have to do and he's off doing what he wants to do. I'm tired of it.
I know this is the wrong place to go, but maybe this will help me to take the actions I need to take in order to straighten things out. I'm upset with my husband right now, and it's not really his fault. It's just that I didn't have that much of a life before our baby came and I'm set to have even less now, but he had a relatively good set-up beforehand and is keeping it all going. The thing is I'm keeping it going for him too. I'm giving him that space. I'm willing to care alone for our son while he goes off and has fun for days. He's planning two trips already, and it doesn't seem fair. Really, what upsets me, is why isn't he planning trips for US? Why doesn't he want to take his family out for fun? Why doesn't he care to camp with me? I've spent a hell of a lot more time sleeping in the wilderness than he has, but it doesn't seem to be something he cares to do with me. And maybe I'm making this up or making it more than it is. Of course he wants to continue his traditions with his friends - things he's been doing since college. Who would want to give that up? It's just that I have to. Not even that I have to, but that I already have.
I thought of rejoining my tradition of camping over memorial weekend with my friend and bringing our babies, but I wouldn't be ok with two adults and two babies ON THE WATER and what we do is on the water - that's the part that connects us with our souls. But if something were to happen you need someone to watch the baby/babies while someone else helps whoever is in trouble. It's just not safe enough, not while the kids are so young. So we would need one of our husbands unless we could convince a friend without babies to go camping with babies. I'm afraid I don't know too many people who would be interested in that.
I'm mad at him for planning this second trip. Fine the first. I'm already jealous and frustrated about the first. I said he could go for a weekend and he turned it into 4 days. He doesn't get what caring for a child is.
And I have to go back to work. Maybe I could start a life with my baby and other new moms, but going back to work won't allow that. It won't leave me any room. This upsets me and makes me feel alone. It makes me feel I need my baby. That my baby is my happiness right now. And while he is in an immense way I shouldn't need him because he is his own self and needs to be his own self without me. And of course he won't be to that stage for awhile yet I should always be his springboard, not tar-paper.
I don't feel understood by him. It feels so much that it's just my baby and me doing what we have to do and he's off doing what he wants to do. I'm tired of it.
